Coffee House Writing #3

I might be the most uncomfortable I've been since coming to Cincinnati as I write this. I'm at a nice little cafe called Reality Tuesday Cafe between Cincinnati and Covington, KY. So I'm actually writing this on Kentucky soil. Whoa, trippy! It's not that I don't enjoy what I ordered, either. Quite the opposite. A house coffee and a caramel apple struessel dumpling. Holy wow is it good, and fairly cheap for it's overall goodness and size to price ratio, which is a scale I made up just now. No, I'm uncomfortable because I am CLEARLY the youngest person in here. Sure, it's a Tuesday, but there are still colleges around and you would think that on a Tuesday afternoon there wouldn't be so many business-y types in here. It's made worse by the fact that I'm obviously in 'streets' and not really dressed up in anyway. However, they can stick it, because at least I'm comfortable. In my clothes, at least.

So there's a neat little magnet (oh, and when I say neat, I mean dumb) on the fridge behind the counter that says 'Virginia is for Lovers.' Alright, I'm confused. I have been under the impression for years that, in fact, Ohio is for lovers. Not Virginia. Not Kansas. Not Oregon. Not even Rhode Island. No, Ohio is for lovers. This magnet seriously blows my mind and TOTALLY ruins any and all perception I had of Ohio, lovers, and the fact that Ohio is a house for said lovers. So what happened? Did Ohio pass it's ability for being a loyal housing unit for lovers to Virginia suddenly for no reason? Was there a trade? Like we gave Virginia the exclusive rights to be for lovers and we get their state bird and the rights to a monument of our choosing? Personally, I am a little happy if we DID get rid of 'Ohio is for Lovers' but we should have traded to a better state. I would have traded it STRAIGHT UP to Pennsylvania for Hershey. I might have even thrown in Youngstown since it's right there.

Can you imagine how AWESOME state trading would be? Obama likes sports, I think he should implement sports-like rules into the government. If we have a salary cap we might as be the Yankees of the entire world. Technically, we already are since foreigners like to call us 'Yanks.' By the way, that's an absurd nickname. I don't want to be called something that could mean the present tense of pulling. How would the British like it if everyone started calling them 'Shoves?' I bet they would hate it, and rightfully so. It's about as stupid as George W. Bush watching Oliver Stone's movie about him. If that happens, I think it should be nationally televised and it should be uncensored. With cameras Bush doesn't know are there. I have no idea how they could pull that off without a hitch, but I would watch it, download it, save it, and keep it forever.

So when the zombie apocalypse comes, where does everyone think they'll go first? Assuming they're still alive, of course. I have decided that I'm going to Lowe's. That way, if I get famous in any way before the Z.A. (that's how I will be referring to it from here on out) and Lowe's hears that I'm going to them for all my barricading needs (8 x 5 3/4 inch thick plywood only $25! Buy one nail gun, get a year's supply of nails free!) they'll surely give me some sort of sponsorship deal. Maybe not for their commercials, but just to wear those sandwich boards or something. The front could say 'Are you prepared for the zombies?' and the back would just be the Lowe's logo. It's a golden idea, and it should get me some supplies and POSSIBLY cash.

On a mildly similar note, how long do I have to write absolutely bonkers blogs like this before someone famous accidentally swoops in and says 'Hey, this guy has more potential than 100% potential for precipitation!' If a guy says that, I'll wonder why he likes the letter 'P' so much. It can't be healthy.

So apparently, my iPod REALLY wants me to write about Snow Patrol because 3 of the last 4 songs have been by them. I have this thing on shuffle for just under 1100 songs, and I have gotten 3 songs by the same band OFF THE SAME ALBUM in the last 4 songs. I must admit, Apple, you have got the shuffle feature down to an emphatically simple science. Hats off to you!

I'm not gonna talk about Snow Patrol just because 80% of the world will say this exact sentence. You ready? 'Like, omigod Snow Patrol did that song about running after cars or whatever and the radio played it like 75 times an hour so I don't listen to them anymore just because cars are stupid and if you follow them or chase them or whatever then you're just immature and stuff.' Ok, so I channeled an idiot 17 year old girl as 80% of the world. Thankfully, they only make up about 20%, so it's a nice drop.

Dang it, I stopped writing for a second and I lost my train of thought. Isn't that grand? Oh well, I'm done with my food anyways, and I'm ready to leave Uncomfortabletown in Everbodylookattheyoungkid County. Jerks.

And thus concludes Blog 3 from the Coffee House Writings. My soundtrack for this evening has been as follows:

Youthless - Beck
The Funeral - Band of Horses
Light From a Dead Star - Lush
The Devil's Workday - Modest Mouse
Endless Shovel - Rogue Wave
Can I Touch You - My Bloody Valentine
Whatever's Left - Snow Patrol
The Crane Wife #2 - The Decemberists
Grazed Knees - Snow Patrol
Run - Snow Patrol
Lost! (Alternate Version) - Coldplay

I recommend all of them...........and my iPod especially recommends Snow Patrol