Mall Writing #1

Yes, that's correct. A different public setting. I should just go wherever. Maybe get more corporate sponsorship. Lowe's for the Z.A. is the tip of the spear. Can you imagine how much money would be rolling in if I just went to Panera Bread or something like that? (*EDIT* Did this and you'll see how it turned out *END EDIT*) One time per blog I could shill whatever food and drink I get at a very efficient price. Like, right now even! 'Come check out Kenwood Plaza! They've got...stores!' Could it be better, sure, but you know you want to come to Kenwood Plaza now. If you say no, I'm gonna go ahead and guess that you're lying. Or don't feel like driving 3 or so hours for a mall. Can't really blame you there.

There's a restaurant in the mall that is Chinese food but has the words Cajun Grill in it's name. Does that COMPLETELY not sound right to anyone? It's like 'Welcome to Blibbidy Blobbedie's Steak House, would you like to try our smoothies?' 'No, I want a steak.' 'Oh, all we have are smoothies.' Stupid. Totally stupid.

There are so many old people in the mall. I love the old people cliques in the malls. They have their own tables and everything. I'm pretty sure that when we're 70 or older we get to start reliving high school again. We'll just have a harder time standing and pee 15 times a day. Other than that, bring on the glory days!

SO I always see in movies how almost every male with a pulse gets turned on by or has the fantasy about Catholic school girls in their skirts and matching outfits. Well, being from Holmes County, that concept was just lost on me. Didn't get it. First of all, it's weird. Second, lots of girls wear skirts, what makes these so special? Well, you will be happy to know, I have figured out why guys like it. This is so simple I can't believe nobody noticed before. Catholic school girls ALWAYS walk in groups. There's always 2 or more! If it was just one it would be easy to dismiss. When there's a multiple amount it is SO MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE. That's where I'm not sure why and I lose my train of thought. All I can give you is the reason. I can't explain it. I'm sure it's a hormone thing. It usually is.

I think energy drinks are idiotic. I have never had one work well for me at all. Maybe my body digests sugar faster than anything else. I think it's all in our heads. If you have an energy drink around midnight, have you ever noticed you SAY you had one at least 6 times in the next hour? It is almost like.....GASP! You're telling yourself that you're more hyped up! What an amazing concept! Our brains tricking our bodies into thinking something had a very great effect on us. That doesn't happen ever. Nope, not at all.

I just had a real freak out moment. There were 5 guys and 4 of them were dressed like boofers. Very much alike. I'm still not convinced that they aren't. I'd have to hear them talk and that would be a weird thing to go do. I wonder what the percentage is that it ends in a bloody nose or some kind of punch in the face. I'm gonna say at least 30% chance. Alright, they aren't. If we were 3 hours northeast, though. Wow. It'd be an immediate pegging.

I smell strawberries. I'm pretty sure it's coming from the smoothie place that's in very close proximity to where I am. There's 2 smoothie places! Within 6 stores of each other! I wonder if they compete. Or maybe at Halloween both managers dress up like gunslingers and have a classic 'This food court ain't big enough for the 2 of us' before the business day begins. Oh MAN I'm getting excited just thinking that it could even be a little bit true. I wouldn't be surprised if they are either best friends or would just like to take a straight razor to the other. They HAVE to have met. It just can't be any other way. I mean, it's 2 smoothie places in a single food court! Most food courts don't have any.

Alright, I'm already spent. There's a decent amount to distract me here. Plus now I want a smoothie.

And thus concludes Blog 1 from the Mall Writings. My soundtrack for this evening has been as follows:

Space Travel is Boring - Modest Mouse
Ah Ha - Butthole Surfers
The Battle of Evermore - Led Zeppelin
You Know My Name - Chris Cornell
I Believe In a Thing Called Love - The Darkness
Crossroads - Cream
Oh! Gravity - Switchfoot
The One I Love - R.E.M.